My Fuck List

3:11am: shit
i am so deprived that i accidentally spelled sleep "slip" in that last entry...wow...i need to fix this condition

3:09am: yup
an hour and a half more passes...and slip still does not accompany me. Must learn to let body rest...must...rest...if...not...rest....body...dies....must...rest...ill eat something...maybe that will help

1:24am: The long night ahead of me
i have a long night ahead of me, i still havent slept, and ive been drawing for hours. I ran out of my fuel about 12 hours ago...i suppose that doesnt matter...i should stop using it anyhow. I dont really think i can comprehend what im doing, all i know is that its dark outside and its raining. Smoking is difficult when its raining, in fact it kind of pisses me off. i wish i could smoke here. Stupid fucking rules. I need a vacation. At least from the comic.

all
work
and
no
play
makes
JACK
a
dull
boy

im going fucking insane

JD

9:54am: good gravy
i still have not slept, its been like...2 days...jeeps im going crazy, i finished 2 more pages of steve tv though, so the book is running strong and my candy is running low so i am off to sleepy time.

JD BRAM

9:16am: In The Drain
IN THE DRAIN

I talk to myself
as i wait in the rain
I sing a morbid refrain
as i watch my mistakes
flow past my eyes
I'm waiting for something
that was never there
searching and longing
in utter dispair

CHORUS
I see a sparkle in the
drain
that seems to ease my
pain
A little bit of beauty
in my world of misery
I see a sparkle in your
eye
reminds me why I dont
really want to die

I'm still talking to me
the tone is different now
and i just wonder how
I can catch my gift before
it leaves me too
I've got a twinkle of hope
maybe a chance for
something good for once
in my lonely downpour

CHORUS
I see a sparkle in the
drain
that seems to ease my
pain
A little bit of beauty
in my world of misery
I see a sparkle in your
eye
reminds me why I dont
really want to die


JD

9:10am: Extrication
EXTRICATION

extricate my effigy from your effusive flame
bow before your own untruth and accept the blame
utter words you've said before
and prove to me an uproven lore

your lies are not lost on me
speak of things that my black eyes
weren't allowed to see

that ones short, probably not finished....i wrote it a long time ago...

JD

9:03am: My commital
MY COMMITAL

I've gone as far
as I am able
A fantasy as real
as a fairy tale fable
I sense blackness
coming over me
There is no more
for cold eyes to see

Ive been commited
to my commital
for the very last of times
i cant seem to get out
there is no escaping mine
and I guess
that I'll be fine
There is no escaping mine
no escaping time

JD

9:01am: Blame me
BLAME ME

My incessant inquiry
is making me feel blind
blind to what i know is not
and what is leaving me behind

I feel that I am losing now
and I am now forever lost
losing to my ignorance
no matter what the cost

I wont achieve what I desire
by playing childish games
I know that I am doing wrong
and I assume all the blame


JD

8:55am: Cries of The Shadows
CRIES OF THE SHADOWS

in a world where
darkness screams
in a land where
no light beams
in a hell where
I am king
in a land
I've never been

My own foul tales
are spun in darkness
My own foul cries
are too hard to harness

Happiness seems so far away
I know it may return
but not this day
I try and try to have
hope in the dark
I lie to myself and say
I can fix my broken heart

In my world
I lose my mind
in my land
I'm so confined
in my hell
I am not God
in my land
I'm just a fraud

Happiness is so far away
It will return
But not this day
I will for once find
hope in darkness
I will mend
the broken hearted
I will lend
a broken hand
I will save you
if i can
I will let my
screams ring clear
in my world
set free of fear

In a world
Ive lost my mind
in a land
I've been confined
in a hell
I have found God
in a land
I'm still a fraud

JD

8:44am: Malleable
Malleable

I'm caught inside manipulation
Causing so much pure frustration
Lead me naught into temptation
Breaking hearts for recreation
Breaking souls is my one goal
Be it wrong, it's all I know
Be it foolish, never go
Down the path, I chose to go

My fall is nigh
My end is soon
Malleable under the moon
I am not strong
I cannot see
Malleable, all I can be
I will soon fail
to fix the wrong
Malleable is my sad song

I left the cage of manipulation
I’ve ended so much pure frustration
I was not lead into temptation
Nothing broken for recreation
I’ve broken souls
And torn holes
I didn’t know, I didn’t know
And it was foolish, Ill never go
Back down the path I chose to go

My fall is gone
My end was seen
Malleable, what once was me
I am not weak
I will forever see
Malleable, I’ll never be
I have failed
I fixed no wrong
Malleable was my sad song


JD

8:26am: ive drawn for 9 of the last 10 hours, my hand hurts, my mind hurts, and im all out of candy...what the fuck... I've gone utterly and completely insane...turns out...
i need to get the fuck out of this place and go hang out with someone, this solitary environment is destroying who i am. Do i even exist anymore. I guess ill find out

JD

8:25am: whoa, its 8:26 in the AM, i dont remember last night really, i remember being at the hall, then bamm, its 8 in the fuckin' morning...what did i do last night? ugh

6:35am: fuck
my goddamned boot fell apart, the heel fell off a while ago, and now the sole is coming off...i cant take this shit anymore

JD BRAM